Talking spot

For my mom, it was her kitchen. And the car (on those long trips back home after a volleyball game or track meet). I could talk and talk and talk. She would listen. I needed to talk and she needed to listen. As a teen girl I had a lot to say. Stuff that was important to me at the time. Stuff about my day, about my friends' days, about assignments, about feelings, about.................what DID I talk about?? No one knows. Except my mom. I needed to talk because it helped me formulate into words all the teen-ager awkwardness. To get it out there! To be heard! She needed to listen because it helped her get the inside scoop on what might be going on in my head and heart. But do you know what kept me talking? I knew that what I said wouldn't go beyond the walls of our house. Sure my dad would know but only him. Also I never felt like she pried, she just listened hoping I would continue, sometime. Other times hoping it would end because she had laundry to do. My favorite idea my husband has had is this "hammock park". This picture I took this morning shows it still and quiet. Just waiting for some boys and a mom to sway in the sunny breeze and just talk. I find out so much in this place. I find out what they are scared of, I find out what is hilarious to them right now, I find out what is important to them, what is irritating them, what intimidates them, what they are confident in, what they feel about the world around them and their place in it, what is influencing them, what they are influencing. I find this stuff out not because I ask them. It's listening 'in between the lines'. I find out these things but it comes in the form of "Flat Stanley, do you know what size he is, Mom?", it comes in the form of "when we line up at recess..."

Let them talk about the small stuff (although to them its not small stuff) and they'll feel not threatened to come to you with the big stuff. Here's my plan: If they can talk now when they are young then maybe they'll feel good about talking later. On these nice Spring days I encourage you to go outside. Go on a walk and listen. Go to the driveway, sit down, and listen. Get in the car with just one kid and listen. They'll have a story to tell. My grandma Lura would say, "After school, kids have a story to tell". Do you have a talking spot? A listening spot? A spot where you can focus on nothing but that voice?

Just chill

This is one of my favorite children's books. I have many. While this is not a classic or an award-winning piece of literature, I just like the message. Don't make a big deal out of nothing. Sometimes I wish I could parent more like a man, you know, just more laid back (as most men are more laid-back, although I know some that aren't laid back at all and are even more high strung and would call themselves worriers)...I need to be reminded to just chill. It's gonna be ok. There is a unsaid standard I set for myself in lots of situations, especially when my kids are playing with other kids and their mom is there. Sometimes when my boys do something that embarrasses me, I can start to feel ashamed like it was me that did it. Why do I do this? Its like I am taking the blame for their behavior, like their poor choice is a reflection of me. This is not good. I don't take responsibility (or I shouldn't) when they act kind, help a friend, etc. so who am I to take responsibility when they sin? I want to be a friend like Bear in the book Little Big Sneeze, who in the end says please don't try to bandage places that aren't cut, put green salve on my belly that doesn't hurt, or throw me in the pond to cool down my fever that you THOUGHT I had. Just chill and listen to me, sit beside me and let me be me. And let's laugh together, because laughter is the best medicine!